what do i think about boys

What if I say boys are kinda similar to Pizza...

The first bite you take, oooohhhhh boy oh boy, it's so hot and the cheese is just ...mmmmmm so good right?

The first time I meet a boy who I'm like "damn, you totally cute af, take me home." It's the same feelings as the first bite of the pizza.

But, you know when cold ass pizza is shit??? The cheese gets hard and all the juices goes to waist so it' really only good for a split few minutes. and then, I'm like "fuck, it's cold now, I'm over it."

The same thing with boys.

When I take a real good time after I saw a boy who I'm obsessed with at the time,  (and when I say "take time" I mean like a YEAR or so. Because we all fucking know that I'm the most clingy/strings attached type of girl. lol ) it gets kinda old and I'm on Tinder or at a bar, just to find some eye candy.

This is my whole life in a nutshell. One of the major reason's why I never had a boyfriend in my life, is because I'm always thinking that maybe...just maybe there will be someone else who will be totally bangin than this dude in front of me, so why commit now? I mean it's seems nice at the moment, but give it time, and it maybe nothing.

This past 2 years, a few boys here and there went away, and I wish there was something more between us then just hooking up at the time.

I'm only capable of seeing boys wanting my body, just solely my body, and nothing more.

I never never felt that I was wanted by a boy emotionally. I was never a necessity for these boys, I was just an accessory at the heat of the moment.

What fucking sucks is that I give them what they want. I give them my body. I allow them to have my body as their accessory. It's fucked up. I know.
It's fucked up on my part. I know this shit is a two way street, we both wanted something so we do it.

But it's also fucking FUCKED when boys do that, you know?
They casually walk all over you and just don't give a flying shit afterwards. Do they plan that shit while their taking you home?

"After tonight, I'm never going to have to do anything with this random chick..."

Is that what they say to their salves??? If so... That's coooooold.
and honestly, what's even the point in making the effort of going home with someone then?!?!? Is sex that important???lol  (And I guess the answer is yes. lol )

How the fuck are boys capable of doing that to someone emotionally??LOL

I'm not a fan of generalizing, but the past 3 years, I came across 4-5 boys, and all of them did the fucking same shit. (although, the last one was kinda different. it kinda seemed like he cared. But again I'm blinded by boys so I wouldn't know)

All of them wanted me so bad.  It was nice knowing that someone wanted me physically, no emotions of course from their side but I was too fucking naive and dumb to realize that at the moment...

It was nice to feel wanted by boys though.

It's so easy for them to disappear and move on, and why is it so hard for me to move on??
Because the answer to that is I wanted, and still want something that makes me feel EMOTIONALLY content.

But what kinda a girl can just brush it off and move on??? I really want to know....

I received a wise advise from a girlfriend once;

Some people are capable of walking away and just make it a one night magical thing. Which is fucking awesome and props to them.

Some people can't, like me. So As much as that ONE SINGLE night will be amazing and you KNOW it will, YOU KNOW you will be hurt, so don't do it. Don't do it, if you know that you will hurt yourself. It's not fucking worth it in the long run.

It seems so easy right? Don't jump into the price's arms and go home with him, just self control right?

I wish I had that self-control and I wish life was that easy. lol

I think my problem is that

I want to feel content physically first, and have emotions flood in afterwards.

That's why I don't know what falling in love is maybe , because by the time I'm catching feelings, the boy is gone. It's either me going back home, or him disappearing.

It's actually a shame that I compared boys with pizza, cus who am I kidding, PIZZA is way better than boys.

Pizza is always there for you, ya know.