Let's talk about Rupi Kaur

I recently had a girl friend of mine recommend me a poet called Rupi kaur.  She thought it was the best thing for me now since my heart is broken into 100000 pieces and it's a time to cry and wallow into my own tears, (in her words) and rupi will help me cry out my feelings even more.

Rupi is now a #1 New York times best selling author for her magical poems. It's pretty fucking ridiculous how articulate she is and how self-aware she is about her feelings.  I have to say. I was honestly never a huge poem type of person. A, it's too difficult for me to understand and I can't tell the 'deeper meaning' of it. B, I have always been too naive to understand love, relationships, sorrow, and redemption. I never knew what being 'in love' means and what 'hurting' actually feels like. Now that I'm a little more of an adult and have some experience in life and maybe just even a little taste of relationship, EVERYTHING that rupi says hits home. It hits your heart first and then your eyelids starts to warm up to cry out loud.

For instance, this one from her 'Milk and Honey. the hurting' chapter.

You were so afraid of my voice

i decided to be afraid of it too

It's such a broad statement but I think one of the reasons why I like rupi is because her statements and poems are not entirely about a specific moment to me. (I don't know about the author herself, maybe it is but speaking on from the reader's side. ) Some are specific moments, for sure, but some can be about basically anything and it somehow relates to someone from across the ocean and make you think, 'fuck, this makes sense.' This poem struct me in ways of self consciousness, sexual assault, and what it means to be yourself in a society that doesn't openly allow you to be you.  

I have always felt afraid to express freely of what I believe in. I felt limited to express certain things in my own vocabulary. I went into situations multiple times in my life, where I try to be the low-key feminist and say 'women should be independent and comfortable in their own skin.' 'Women should not exist because they feel the need to please others' or 'a women should never explain herself as to why she's not in a relationship or married yet at a certain age' and shit like that. Many men in the past after those low key feminist comments I make, they will not ask about how my relationships are with men. Instead, they will talk with other women in the group about the topic because they know I will clap back at them because I 'had a voice'. Many men don't want to be disagreed with, they don't want a women to explain what is right and wrong. Especially living in Japan as a biracial women, you can tell the tension that I have between men here. Men feel intimidated and scared what I have to say. 'Oh Megumi speaks her mind often so let's not try to be in an argument with her.' 

I guess the good thing about this is that I won't be targeted with some bull shit ideas of women and I have to listen to men about their day to day struggle with women and having them showing off their masculinity to me. But at the same time, since people around me are so afraid and unsettled with what I might have to say, I became very quiet. I speak less about what I stand for. I became this neutral women to avoid conflict. If people convince you enough that you are too much, you are too loud of your opinions, or people in this certain country/culture doesn't agree with you, you  intentionally learn as a coping mechanism to be afraid of your own voice as well. 

Trying to convince myself i am allowed to take up space

is like writing with my left hand when i was born 

to use my right

The gist of the poem above, for me at least is, taking up space is uncomfortable. People tell you, it's ok to be different, free and vocal, but do they tell you what will happen after that? The hate from others and being oppressed by the disagreed. I am becoming a little bit more comfortable in my own skin and body, and also becoming self-aware of what is going around me, I feel like there is a safe space, which I created myself. You know you have a platform and space that you can say and do whatever, but on the other hand, it feels uncomfortable and distressing. Because us humans, we are animals that are thought to live together in a collective society. Regardless of where that society is, coexisting is our nature. If you go against that nature, it feels like you will trigger a disruption or something. You feel like 'this is wrong I think...? but I don't know why exactly.' 

Do you know what I mean guys?? Am I becoming too poetic justice??? Help me. 

Just from 2 poems, there are so many feelings going through me..... I'm telling you her poems are so raw and truthful, we should all read it as a mandatory middle school text book so we all understand the pain of living at a young age. No one teaches that you know. No parent or adult will teach you that life is fucking brutal and not easy. The more you become older, the more you feel pain and joy. To a point that you don't know what both of them even looks like anymore. Rupi Kaur's words needs to be passed along amongst us. She takes on problems that are living in our culture, including rape, consent, relationships, love, family and more, she is relevant to our culture. 

All I want is really to just exchange thoughts and feelings with my fellow female or male friends of course, of her poems and let's all deep dive in a pool of tears and laughter. What are we even doing if we don't feel our feelings till it hurts while experiencing valuable life lessons?